Blog | HeartStories

Don’t Ask a Child ‘What’ They Want to Be, Ask ‘Who’ They Want to Be

child dressed up as a vet holding a stuffed dog and vet kit

A veterinarian. That’s what my wonderful six-year-old wants to be when she grows up.

But here’s my dream for my child as she ages:

I hope she grows up to be a giver and receiver of kindness. That’s it.

I did an interview recently where I was asked what my “family motto” was, and those words instinctively slipped from my lips. Academics, popularity, sports—those things are secondary. I just want my children to navigate this beautiful but often brutal world with a kind heart.

I probably would’ve said something different years ago. Doctors, lawyers, big homes, and bank accounts. But after both of my children were diagnosed with autism, none of that mattered. I quickly began to realize that the most important thing a child can become is an adult who offers radical acceptance.

So that became the new goal: can my children look out for others instead of just themselves?

And, can that favor be …

a woman with her husband as he kisses her on the forehead

I don’t think my marriage was made for quarantine.

Here’s the deal: my husband and I work well as introverted/extroverted partners because I can usually get my social fix elsewhere. While he is completely content solo, I crave socialization. He’s self-assured and shops on the same aisles of the grocery store; I like a smorgasbord of spontaneity.

So during normal, non-distancing times, I go out with my girlfriends and he happily golfs alone.

Everyone’s cup is filled.

Now, due to a national pandemic, I’m having to rely on him to meet a lot of my needs and it’s never been more apparent that we walk at two different paces.

My growing frustration isn’t my husband’s fault. I am well aware of who I married and his countless other strengths. But this time together has proven what I’ve assumed for years: one person cannot possibly complete you.

Often times we marry expecting the following from our partner:

Companionship, …

by Stephanie Hanrahan Guest Blogs HeartBeats Inspiration Inspirational Words Love Love In Action Love in Family Love in Friendship Loving Others Roadblocks in Life The Journey Through Life Leave a comment chat

two kids and their dad in an inflatable pool in their backyard

Where I grew up, we didn’t have neighborhood pools or county festivals. We had gravel and dirt roads. In fact, it was such a small town we didn’t even have a chain restaurant until my senior year of high school. I’ll never forget the line that wrapped around the building on the eve of their opening, everyone just waiting for a taste of the elusive Appleby’s.

But there are some benefits to a slower space and pace, and one is that it breeds imagination. I’m probably as creative as I am because I spent a lot of time alone, telling my own stories from a wood deck or a fig tree.

I started my life in a small town and somehow ended up in Frisco, the “fastest growing city in America.” Things here are easier, more accessible. We have shopping and dining and events galore. Yesterday, I saw a robot on my …

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two girls wearing life vests holding kayak paddles

Big groups of girlfriends have always been tricky for me. I’m a former only child and some of the residual effects of that linger. I’ve always preferred my friendships one-on-one so that I can dive deep with the few rather than stay surface with the many.

But finding the one or two women who understand you to your core is a challenge. It takes effort and intention to sustain a sisterhood. And it also takes someone who is willing to say yes to every part of your messy, beautiful life.

A few years ago, both of my children were diagnosed with autism and something interesting happened: my inner circle closed even tighter. The thing is, it doesn’t take a special mom to raise special needs kids, but it does take incredibly special people to stick it out with you.

So some of my friendships faded away. Some didn’t know what to say, so …

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A few summers ago, I went through my own personal pandemic.

My husband’s heart stopped—he broke his back during the flatline—my children were diagnosed with autism, and the depression and anxiety I’d spent my entire life running from were on the rise.

So much changed, and so many responsibilities became mine. I couldn’t even leave my kids alone with their father for almost two years.

A lot of the feelings I had then you might be experiencing now: loss of hope, concern for your family’s health, tired of teaching and taking care of your kids. There’s the decrease in income, no time for yourself, friendships that fall apart, and most notably, a ton of fear.

Much of my pandemic was unwanted, but it also gave me some incredible tools. I’ve had an eerie calm about COVID and I think that’s only because I’ve been here before.

It takes time to navigate around anything …

by Stephanie Hanrahan Guest Blogs Inspiration Inspirational Women Inspirational Words Love Love In Action Love in Family Loving Others Motherhood Roadblocks in Life Leave a comment chat

What makes a good mother?

If you would’ve asked me this question before I gave birth, I would’ve said, “Someone who cares for her kids and their needs; someone who protects her children from pain. A good mother is always there. She’s your best friend, making things easier, better.”

Basically Mary Poppins, not a parent.

A few years into this mothering gig my idea of ‘good’ has shifted. I no longer think a good mother is a pain protector, but someone who prepares her children for the inevitable. She’s not always there, because she’s modeling what a full and complete life looks like for a woman.

A good mother makes mistakes in front of her child’s face and then apologizes in plain sight.

A good mother is honest. She doesn’t lie to her kids or let them win at games. There are lessons to be found in difficulty and defeat.

A good mother doesn’t …

by Stephanie Hanrahan Guest Blogs Inspiration Inspirational Women Inspirational Words Love Love in Family Loving Others Loving Yourself Motherhood Leave a comment chat

Don’t Ask a Child ‘What’ They Want to Be, Ask ‘Who’ They Want to Be

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