Thirteen years ago today, we stood before our family and friends to make vows that would last us a lifetime. I brought my young heart and young mind to meet Scott at an altar, in the most expensive dress I’ve ever worn. I pledged to love him in sickness and in health, until death did us part. . . and it was so easy to make that promise.
We were so happy.
The church was covered in fall leaves and acorns. It was a beautiful fall day, both inside the church and out. My treasured friends wore the most terrible, uncomfortable dresses they’d ever worn and drove all the way to Louisiana so the whole thing could be like my favorite fall fairytale. And it was.
But I had no idea.
I had no idea what my love of fall might symbolize for us over the last 13 years. The fall comes before the winter. . . and the winter came. Two days after we found out we were pregnant with our first baby, our young, naive love experienced tragedy that rocked everything I ever thought I understood about life, love, marriage and family.
It was so hard.
My hurt quickly turned to anger and years of small resentments built up in my heart, seemingly no matter hard much I wanted to get rid of them. That day in October of 2003, I had no idea what I was signing up for, as so many of us don’t. But I have learned that those vows, for me, meant a lifetime of growing. A lifetime of learning to let go of the ideals of my childhood dreams in exchange for learning to be a more open, loving adult.
That’s what fall brings.
When it looks like everything is falling away on the outside, the inside is being renewed, if we choose it. So today, more than ever, through all our imperfections and flaws I can say that we love each other more deeply. We stand beside each other more boldly. And I appreciate more fully the man my husband is, than I ever could have imagined on that beautiful first day of fall.
Death had to “do us part” so we could come alive to something bigger, better, deeper and more beautiful than we could have ever imagined on that first fall day in 2003.
Our life and our love is so far from perfect. But today, I’m grateful it’s alive and we’re still fighting for it. I’m glad we didn’t give up in the winter, because now I can see the beauty in the buds of the spring. Only now, can I love the man who not only survived, but fought through the winter with me.
Whatever is dying in your life today, maybe it’s an invitation to come alive to something better.
Hold on, and keep growing through the winter.
It’s an invitation to come alive.
to more love,
Happy Anniversary Babe. I love you now more than I ever dreamed I could.