A woman with strong boundaries

Boundaries quote Edwin Louis Cole | HeartStoriesYesterday I talked with a gal in LA who founded a growing social enterprise.  When we scheduled the call, she gave me a thirty minute window, so I knew up front that she was a woman with strong boundaries.  When we began to chat, one of the first things out of her mouth was,

I’m an ROI girl.  What can I do to make sales? 

There was a time when those words would’ve stopped me in my tracks, thinking to myself, Then why in the world are you talking with me?  I’m the party bus, I’m NOT the ROI girl.  But that was my old story that used to hold me back.

I have a new one now.

What I’ve learned is this, if you make choices based on feelings alone, you’ll almost always regret them.  Choices have to be made based on our values.  Yes, feelings and instincts play a role, but they can’t drive the train.  Values must lead.

Values often look like boundaries.

You have to be clear on what your values are in any given situation.  Values are the place your feelings and beliefs collide to determine what’s most important to you.  When you’re clear about your values, it’s so much easier to make choices that take you where you want to go.

This gal said it so beautifully yesterday when she said,

Everyone in this industry is very sweet and so nice.  We could spend all day just being nice to each other. . . but if I don’t make sales,  I can’t help anyone I want to help. 

Bam.  That’s it.  

That’s exactly what it looks like to make choices that align with your values, versus making choices that only align with your feelings.  She values supporting a specific group of people through her business and if she doesn’t make sales, they don’t get the support they’re expecting.  She may have enjoyed a nice coffee chat with a friend, but it only leads to regret if she enjoyed it at the expense of what she values most for her business.

When we hung up (after 27 minutes exactly), I felt so energized, so excited and ready to take on the world.   It was a great reminder of the power of staying true to our values.

Are there places in your life you’re making choices purely based on feelings?

Staying mad because you don’t feel like forgiving?

Staying in bed because you don’t feel like getting up?

Staying on the sidelines because you feel afraid you might not make it?

Today, I challenge you to get clear on your values in one specific area of your life.

Maybe its your marriage, your parenting, your health, your work.  Just pick one area. Then spend the rest of this week, until Friday noticing the way you make choices in that one area.

Are they based on feelings that come and go or are they based on your values?

If they’re based on feelings, I’m guessing you’re not happy with where you’re headed.  Start today, to be more intentional about making choices that align with your values instead of just your feelings.

You’ll find that even though it seems more difficult at first, it’s actually very freeing and empowering.

Most of all, you’ll love the direction you’re heading. . . and that, will feel great. 

to more love,


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