Enough is Enough

There is an epidemic of insecurity plaguing the minds of women today. I wonder if it was always this way – if our moms and grandmothers and grandmothers’ grandmothers just didn’t talk about it – or if this is a result of our modern lifestyle, or both. I see it across all types of moms, both working and stay–at–home, helicopter and hands-off. I see it in friends without kids, both married and single. We all have more choices, more opportunities, often times more money and power, than previous generations but with that seems to be this prevailing sense of not being enough. I know I’ve felt this way for years and years, even as I did all the things I was supposed to do. Even as I built my business and built my family – I was always lacking in one place or another, or in one way or another as the blame often hit right where it hurts, on my personality and intellect. “I’m not smart enough. I’m not funny enough. I’m not productive enough. Why am I even here? One day everyone is going to realize I’m an impostor.” An impostor in my own life, that I have worked for and built? Crazy, right? But apparently enough of us feel this way that there is even a name for it – impostor syndrome. From the outside, it sounds ridiculous, but our minds tell us the darndest things.

Over the last five years, I’ve been in a constant search for a solution. I’ve done acupuncture. I’ve read dozens of books and articles. I’ve taken supplements. I’ve tracked my sleep pattern. I’ve downloaded dozens of apps. I’ve changed my diet (though never quite put my heart into that one). I’ve meditated. I’ve exercised. I’ve done counseling and coaching.  All in the name of peace of mind. I’m not saying none of that worked. I think all of it worked. But I’m done seeking a solution, a magic bullet, a cure. Overall, I think I finally just got tired of being so hard on myself, tired of searching, and just decided to give myself a break. I can step outside “the recording” and see that I’m doing alright. At least intelligently I can see that; emotionally it’s still a day-by-day thing. My friends and colleagues and family are absolutely essential to my feeling “ok” – to being “enough” – dare I say, feeling great!? Talking about how we all feel these things somehow takes the power of the old, tired story away and gives the power back to us to be our happiest and most confident selves. So every day, just do the best you can and at the end of the day, no matter what resulted, just know that it was enough, because that’s what you had to give. Support the women you love in feeling the same. You are amazing. You have great talent. You are unique. It’s easier to see that in others than in yourself so surround yourself with good, honest people who will remind you of all the things that make you more than “enough.” I look forward to the day that the HeartStories app makes it easier for us to do that!

4 thoughts on “Enough is Enough

  1. Hi Kari

    Reading your post really hit close to home. I know that “we all are our own worst critics” but sometimes the self-doubt with the big mouth just doesn’t know when to shut her trap.

    The line you wrote, “My friends and colleagues and family are absolutely essential to my feeling “ok” – to being “enough” is so spot-on for me too. I just want to be able to actually believe that what they feel about me is really true. I would never call them a bold face liar to their face but in essence, I really do that, every single day by not believing them.

    Thanks again

  2. It is so weird, I can completely relate. When I stopped trying so hard and working so hard is when I became more me than I have ever been in my life. I see other people and think, I know that they have a hurt in their lives and it causes me to think differently about them, and it allows me to have more grace for other people and a desire to never add drama to another woman’s world. None of this is to indicate that anyone else isn’t where I am spiritually or that I am spiritually awesome…I have more struggles (particularly with fear) than I have time to list, but that soundtrack in my mind has been replaced with scripture and reminders of who I truly am by the measure that matters the most to me. I do, however, come across as insecure, because I am a chronic apologizer. I am so comfortable in my own skin that I get concerned that I don’t have enough of a filter on my mouth and I never want to add stress to another person’s life by accidentally hurting them with my words. I also have many encouraging women in my life, but two in particular are more like soul sisters to me and they always act as a mirror reflecting the best there is of me back to me and I pray earnestly that I do the same for them. The last thing I would add isn’t an original concept of mine, I wish I knew who to credit for this, but a ta-da journal is a wonderful thing. At the end of the day, you don’t go through your undone “to do’s” you celebrate your ta da’s. Ta da I drank more water today, ta-da I told 10 people I loved them ta-da!!! I signed up for a new awesome site that connects women on a deeper level! Ta-da!

  3. Kari – thanks so much for this insight. The part where I took a moment of pause was this: “I think I finally just got tired of being so hard on myself, tired of searching, and just decided to give myself a break.”

    Boy can I relate. As a self proclaimed perfectionist and over achiever, giving myself a break and letting myself off the hook sometimes is the hardest part. Glad I’m not alone in the fact that sometimes a woman just drives herself right over the edge from striving to be more.

    Let’s all take a collective deep breath, sigh of relief and listen to the love of those around us.

  4. Wow Kari, that post took guts! Thank you. Thank you because I can totally relate and I needed the reminder that I’m not alone. Who knew there was a name for that feeling?!? Impostor Syndrome- pretty wild. We are definitely all harder on ourselves than others are on us. That makes it easy to think that if they really “knew” us, they would see us differently. You are right, talking about those stories takes away their power. That is the absolute truth. Especially when we do it in the context of relationships with the women who love us. I really appreciate your vulnerability!

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