I’m learning that love has a lot to do with perspective.
Like we talked about yesterday, it’s easy to love a hurting victim or a wounded child, but it’s hard to love a prostitute.
It’s not because they are different people. It’s because of how we see them. It’s because of their clothes, hair, and makeup. We instantly put up judgements about their choices and their motives. . . before we even know them at all.
Today, I’m wondering if you do that to yourself sometimes?
I know I do.
It’s easy to look at where I am, in business, as a mother, as a wife, a sister, or a friend and make all kinds of judgements of myself. I judge based on everyone else’s “successes”. I judge myself based on social norms, deadlines and expectations. It makes it pretty hard to love myself and be gentle with myself.
The hard part is adjusting my perspective.
I’m learning to value growth over an expected outcome.
What if we planted seeds in the garden and got frustrated that they came up as budding little sprouts instead of beautiful flowers? What if we dumped water on them and fertilized them (with only vegan, organic, non-chemical fertilizers, of course), expecting them to instantly be the flowers we were looking for?
It seems irrational doesn’t it?
But that’s what we do to ourselves. As least I do. I expect myself to get it right the first time. To be the wife I’ve read books about being. To mother with Love and Logic. To always be there for my sisters and friends.
And when I screw up?
Lots of self-judgement. More water. More fertilizer. More insane expectations.
Lately, I’ve been learning to shift my expectations and adjust my values in my life.
I’m moving toward seeing everything as growth, as a path toward becoming.
The mistakes, the missed deadlines, the lost temper, the missed quota, the missed lunch date… they’re all here to help us grow. Pushing up through the soil is hard work. The sun is really bright. Cold water can be quite a shock. And fertilizer, the organic kind, really stinks!
Growing up is really hard work.
It’s also the most valuable, meaningful work you can do in your life.
Take a minute today, to look back at where you’ve been.
Remember all that hard stuff you’ve come through? Is there a garden full of sprouting flower stems back there? Maybe even a few budding flowers? Is there a beautiful spread of flowers in full bloom?
You’ve grown a ton.
Love yourself for the ways you have grown.
You’re still growing.
Looking ahead it’s easy to start expecting a beautiful garden again. And it will come.
Growth is the most valuable part of the journey.
Wherever you are headed, wherever you want to go, remember to watch for the signs of growth.
Lean in to the process that makes you a healthier, happier, more fulfilled human.
It’s not the end goal or the final destination.
It’s the . . . growth.
Sit back and look at your garden for a minute today.
You’ve come a long way sister.
Love yourself for the ways you’ve grown.
To more love,