Trading “Reel Love” for Real Love


Apparently it’s Scott & Crystal week on the blog.  I usually steer clear of most of our stories as Scott is just a tinge more private than I. 😉  But I feel like I have free rein this week since he agreed to be our special guest at the GNO tomorrow night.  Hall pass!

I hope he feels the same.  

This is a picture from his surprise 40th Birthday Party.  I planned and pulled off a VIP awards show (a bit to his dismay) with a red carpet and all.  Friends and family showed up in limos, dressed to the nines, asking for autographs.  We all prepared his “awards” speeches, mostly including roasts about his high level of “prestige”.

We laughed all night and had a great time.  

That was almost four years ago now and I’ve learned a lot since then.  Scott wrote the book “The Stories We Tell Ourselves” which taught me about how we’re all mostly walking around living in an altered reality that’s not usually as it seems.  On top of that, we both took a self-assessment  that, combined with the book, has opened up an entirely new window into Scott’s personality for me.

Yes, Scott has a high level of “prestige”.

But I spent the first 10 years of our marriage making up stories about what that means.  I told myself the story that he just liked nice things.  That he liked to hob-knob with successful people.  Honestly, this pastor’s daughter from Oklahoma, thought it was a little snobbish.  I knew he had high expectations for everyone and everything to be the best of the best, but I didn’t understand why.

Now I do.  

The Fascination Advantage gave me such huge insight into his personality.  Now I realize that his prestige means that he has very high standards and appreciates quality.  He’s insightful, distinguished and always in-the-know.  He quickly gains respect, which enables him to serve people others (like me) would never be able to reach.

He’s passionate about showing people just how great they can become.  

He’s appreciated by colleagues, friends, and clients, because they know they can count on him to be the very best.  He appreciates subtleties. He understands minute differences.  As a result, he intuitively understands what others need.  He’s not a snob.

He is respected expert.

Understanding this truth about Scott, has changed my reality entirely.  Any judgement I’ve had in the past about his desire for excellence, is now filtered through these beautiful rose-colored glasses of understanding.  Those crazy stories I was telling myself have lost their power.

Because now I understand reality.  

I challenge you today, to think about someone you love and a judgement you’ve often made about them.   Think about how that makes you feel.  Then, here comes the hard part. . . ask them if it’s true.  And work hard to understand the answer.

It could go something like this:

I’ve noticed. . . what I’ve told myself about that is. . . I feel (rejected, angry, hurt, confused. . .) Is that what you’re meaning by it?

This, my friends, is how we can work to understand and eliminate The Stories We Tell Ourselves.

This, is how we avoid the screenplay in our minds of “Reel Love”.

This is how we engage in Real Love.  

to more “Real Love”,


P.S.  It’s not to late to join us tomorrow night.  You’ll be glad you did.  Learn more here.

P.S.S. If you can’t join us, I (obviously) highly recommend Scott’s book and the Fascination Advantage Assessment.

Leave a Reply

More Blog Posts
to Love ...