This picture was my life about eight years ago. We had these two precious boys 16 months apart, on purpose. I thought I wanted a whole slew of kids, boys in particular, to play and have fun with.
Until I had two.
It’s a story for another day, why it was such a hard year. But suffice it to say, two major family tradgedies (with all the resulting fall-out) and a birth defect that went undetected for 6 months (which meant non-stop crying the entire time), totally rocked my new mama world.
I was so tired and emotional. I remember thinking every day that I couldn’t make it through another day. It’s all a bit of a blur now, but somehow I did.
I survived.
I had amazing friends, but I was too tired to call them. I had a loving family, but they were all dealing with their own hurts and trauma. So I bucked up, gritted my teeth and made it through.
There’s just one teeny problem with that plan.
It’s called resentment.
When you buck up, grit your teeth and just make it through, without community, the hurt stays inside. When you pretend you’re fine on the outside, not letting anyone else know what you’re going through, the hurt and the pain hardens into this terrible wall called resentment. That wall might feel like it’s protecting you, but in reality, it’s isolating you. I know this to be true.
I know it because I’ve been chipping away at that big wall for years now.
And let me just tell you right now, it’s SO much easier to refuse to build it in the first place. Sure, it feels harder at first, good things often do. You can take the hard, easy way or the easy, hard way.
The hard, easy way, is trusting a friend or two, enough to share your hurts, pains, and disappointments. Admitting you’re hurting, and that you don’t have it all together. It is hard, but girl, it’s so necessary. Just saying things out loud makes such a huge difference. You really don’t need them to fix it. You just need them to listen and be there.
But you have to clue them in.
You have to let them in.
If you’re like me and you’ve built a fortress of resentments around yourself, it’s not too late to let them go. It won’t be easy. In fact, it’s pretty friggin’ hard, but it’s so worth it. It’s worth it for you, for your family, your friends and your purpose.
You have to clean out the weeds so the flowers can grow.
I sense a text in your future….
Hey friend, let’s meet for coffee. I need to chat.
It will be worth it. There’s a beautiful garden waiting to bloom.
to more love,
Crystal
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