If you’ve ever read the 5 Love Languages book, you know they describe five very different ways of showing love. There are typically only one or two that make you personally feel loved the most. You can take their quick quiz here to discover yours. The five love languages are: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time and Physical Touch. I first read this book more than 20 years ago. Since then, my number one “love language” has never waivered.
It’s “Quality Time”.
To anyone who knows me, that’s not shocking. I’d rather you give me an hour of your time than any gift money can buy. I rank a big fat ZERO on “Receiving Gifts” as a love language. It’s no joke. (Sadly, if you rank highest in this category, you will likely feel very unloved by me unless I’m trying REALLY hard, because apparently we also show love in the same ways we feel loved the most, unless we are very intentional about doing things otherwise.) I just want to hang out with you. I want to hear all your stories and snort laugh or cry with you. I want to play the music loud, dance and sing at the top of our lungs. I want to go on a trip and explore beyond the “no entry” sign together. I want to be the first one you call when all you need is the presence of a friend.
To me that’s real love.
Go ahead and laugh, but I’m telling you, it’s true. This pic is from my 40th birthday trip. Scott asked if I wanted him to throw me a big party. My answer: let’s take a trip with our friends instead! So everyone cleared their schedules, we found a house that would hold us all, we rented a huge van and took a trip that to me, was the trip of a lifetime. I even got the flu on the first day, but it didn’t matter, this was my week of quality time with “my people”. As long as I live I will never forget the memories, the laughter, and all the conversations with these friends.
I felt entirely seen, cared for, and loved.
They say entrepreneurs create what they wish existed in the world. So it should come as no surprise that my work with HeartStories is driven by my passion to consistently gather women with their closest girlfriends. I love seeing the invisible web of support that you weave when you gather. Month after month, intentionally showing up in each other’s lives. For the fun times, yes! Of course. But also for all the rest. The busy, the scared, the sad, the mad and the confused times too.
Gathering face-to-face, creates a giant container for strong friendship.
In her book “Frientimacy” my dear friend, and friendship expert Shasta Nelson, says that healthy friendships are made up of three things: positivity, consistency, and vulnerability. She calls this Frientimacy (friendship + intimacy) Her entire body of work points to healthy friendships as a cornerstone to lifelong health and happiness.
I’m convinced she’s absolutely right.
If you’re a woman on this planet in 2019, there is no doubt your life is busy. But if you’re so busy that you’re not making time and space for real friendships to simmer, something’s gotta give. I heard Christine Arylo say this week that “1 in 3 women are dying of heart disease in America and it’s not because we eat too many french fries” it’s because we’re disconnected and lonely. It’s because we’re too busy and too stubborn to admit it.
Switch your screen right now and text a friend.
Put a time on the calendar to gather with your people. It won’t happen on accident or by chance. It happens when you prioritize your friendships. It only happens when you decide to love yourself and your people well. This is true, by the way, even if “Quality Time” is not your top love language!
Gather with your people.
The good life is found in the presence of friends.
to more love,