When you choose a mate and start a family, most of the time, you really have no clue what you’re getting into. If you’re smart, you do your due diligence, and date for at least 4 months, like I did. Then you get married within the first year and hope for the best.
Not really of course.
I mean, really that’s what I did. But I wouldn’t go around recommending that as a strategy. What I would recommend however, is to get clear on the core values that matter most to you, and look for those things, over all others. Because no matter how long you date before you tie the knot, I’m convinced you still have no clue what you’re getting yourself into.
Because over the years, life happens, and it’s hard.
Years and kids change a lot of things. People respond in ways you never expected. You respond in ways you never expected. Sometimes it even feels like you’ve lost touch with the person you once were. It makes all the difference if you’re with a person who is willing to look in the mirror and work on what they see. Not only in the physical sense, of course, but in the deeper sense of self-reflection and self-growth or development.
It’s one of the things I appreciate most about this guy.
On one of our first dates, I remember him telling me about a trip he’d recently taken to spend time in a Buddhist monastery, for silence and reflection. To this wild-haired free spirit, the entire experience sounded like slow death by torture. It was different, but I liked it. I liked what it said about his intentions. Over the years, Scott’s insistence on self-reflection, journaling, and being intentional with his time and choices has proven to be an invaluable quality in a spouse, father and friend.
It’s what makes moments like the one in this picture so special.
Every year, he takes each of the boys on some sort of trip of their choosing. He’s canoed hundreds of miles looking for shark teeth, he’s explored historical sites multiple times, he’s been to gun ranges, and stayed in nasty roadside motels. He gets Oaks his favorite breakfast every Saturday morning. He finds coaches and signs up for lessons for the boys to develop their athletic abilities. And it’s not because he has some cush job that affords him endless time off work. In fact, he works more hours serving clients in his therapeutic counseling practice than seems humanly possible.
It’s because of intention.
He’s intentional about how he spends his time. He’s intentional about keeping up with friends and family. He keeps lists of people to touch base with and puts them all on his calendar. He makes it a point to make sure the people he loves feel seen, cared for, and that they know how special they are to him.
I think it’s fitting that today, to celebrate his birthday, that each of us loves someone with intention.
Be intentional about making time to check in with someone you love. Do something you don’t necessarily enjoy because it makes someone you love feel seen. Find a unique way to let someone know you’re cheering them on. It should be an everyday occurrence, but because it’s harder for some of us than others, make Scott’s birthday your reason today.
Love with intention.
to more love,
p.s. This is exactly the kind of “luck” we’ll be exploring at the “You’re in Luck” casino party GNO coming up on 3/7. This is what it looks like when years of preparation and intentional choices meet the opportunity. It’s anything but chance.