What do cliques, exclusion and popularity contests have in common?

Mean Girls Cliques, exclusion and popularity contests HeartStories

What do cliques, exclusion and popularity contests have in common?

They all really tick me off.  

Of course with my kids and their friends, if I see someone whispering, talking about someone behind their backs, trying to exclude, it gets my mama bear up.  I immediately address it openly and we work toward inclusion. . . and more love.

But it’s not just kids.  It’s their moms.  It’s their grandmothers.  It’s church leaders, CEO’s, teachers, entrepreneurs, sales people and stylists.

You’d think grown women would know better, but apparently we don’t.  

Brain science teaches us we are wired for connection.  Commerce has proven time and time again that when we band together, we go further. Philanthropy and social good have always amplified our connecting prowess.  We are better together!

So why do we divide?  Why do we hide in circles to snicker and point?

Because we’re afraid.

We’re afraid of not being accepted, so we stay safely with the group we know accepts us.  We’re afraid we might have to change if we open up the circle.  We’re afraid it will be uncomfortable and maybe even totally awkward.

Well guess what?

It will.

Putting down our walls and opening our circles to include and support others isn’t safe.  It’s scary and vulnerable.  Why?  Because they’ll see us for who we really are.

We will have to change.  We’ll have to look at our own stuff.  They’ll probably find out that we haven’t washed our hair this week. . .among other things.

It will be uncomfortable and awkward at times.  That’s part of being human and in relationship.  It’s also part of creating beauty and doing good things.

Staying safe is a myth. 

If you’re safe and comfortable behind your walls, with your bonfire and s’mores, you’re in the most dangerous place of all.  Cliques, exclusion and popularity contests make you weak.  When you choose to engage them they cripple you from the strength that comes when women band together to lift each other up.

Take some time today to think about where you need to let your walls come down.

We are stronger together.

to more love,


P.S.  There’s an entire generation of kids watching us.  Let’s save them the heartache and show them how it’s done.

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