I shared a long-overdue lunch yesterday with my dear friend Kim Jones. She’s in the throes of all things busy mama life, while simultaneously putting on THE most amazing fashion show that supports My Refuge House, a program to rescue, heal and empower girls out of a life of trafficking.
It’s amazing work she is doing.
During our lunch we talked about all the things that keep our brains and our bodies running fast. We spent nearly an hour talking about kids, fashion show logistics, work, politics and husbands. But it wasn’t until the very end, we got down to the deeper conversation about life-altering choices, fear, freedom and ultimately joy. It was that conversation that led to a deeper connection and fierce support of one another.
It reminded us why we were there all along.
Those are the kinds of conversations our brains are wired for. We desperately need people to see us and “get” us. We all need friendships where the history bridges the gap to fill in the missing pieces, when the words just won’t come. We need friendships that allow us to sit empathetically with each other’s pain and struggle. But most of the time we don’t get to that point in our friendships.
The problem isn’t usually that we don’t have enough friends.
The problem is that we don’t take time to dive into the deep end of the pool together. We check in via text. We hug in passing while trading off the kids. We meet for quick coffee or work together on a project. And all of those things are good. But without deeper intimacy in our friendships, they aren’t enough.
“Our relationships are the health clubs where we practice intimacy: The places where we build up the muscles of compassion, increase our endurance for sitting with hard feelings, and stretch the flexibility of our biases.” ~ Shasta Nelson
The moment Kim and I shared yesterday is the type of moment Shasta knows we all need to share more often. We have to make the time and space. We have to be willing, on both sides, to go to the places that are uncomfortable at first and healing in the end.
We have to practice.
I challenge you today, to think about, and even make a list of the friends you can practice this kind of intimacy with. Then take the first step, by setting up coffee or lunch.
And plan to fully show up.
It will take you beautiful places.
to more love,
P.S. This is the life work of my friend Shasta Nelson who is the featured guest at our upcoming Ya-Ya Sisterhood GNO. Shasta has devoted her life to deepening friendships between women. She sees us feeling frazzled, rushed and lonely and she’s leading the charge to empower us to do life differently. . . together. Call up your Ya-Ya’s and meet us there.