They put this baby in my arms and I knew exactly what to do.
Parenting a newborn was perfect for me. Not only was I professionally trained for it as a former Labor & Delivery nurse, I was instinctually good.
As my kids have grown, I’ve lost some of that confidence.
It was easy for me to swaddle and sleep train. It’s not so easy to navigate around a bunch of unknown. And that’s exactly what these little humans are: a big ball of uncertainty. One minute they like a food, the next it’s on your wall. Some days they’re happy, seconds later they’re screaming. Add in some autism and a pandemic, and it’s a whole mess of unpredictability.
I often feel like I’m coming up short with my kids. I yell. I zone out and stare at my phone. I don’t pretend play. There are times I wonder if they would be better off with a mom who likes Barbies.
But then I remember, I’m trying. I’m openly learning and growing, just as they are. And I also remind myself that not every phase of motherhood has to be my favorite. I was great with babies and think I’ll be even better with talking teenagers off the ledge (time will tell). The middle part I’m forgiving myself for.
Say it with me, “I’m doing my best.”
These children were made for me.
To More Love,
Stephanie
