Be kind, not “nice”

In the middle of all the moving crazy last week, I “used a lifeline” to call a friend, my coach Michelle James.  In the past, even when things were swirling in my life, I’ve been able to keep pretty calm, in my head.  But recently the swirling has crossed all the lines, which has put me in a bit of a blurry place on several fronts.  When that happens, all my usual routines “to keep the peace” seem like they aren’t enough.  I needed an outside mentor to listen patiently and then help guide me back to finding my center.

Michelle does this better than anyone I’ve ever worked with.  

While we were on our call, a conversation emerged about the difference between being nice and being kind.  At first it seemed like a small caveat from the main topic of conversation.  But as I let it sink in, I realized it was an important truth for me to pay attention to.  We’ve talked about this before, but this time the “soil” was ready for the planting.  We were discussing my need to hold some personal boundaries, when I kept interjecting, trying to make space to accommodate for others.

Michelle stopped us right there to make a distinction: 

“There’s a difference between being nice and being kind.  Being ‘nice’ is syrupy, sweet, polite, and accommodating, trying to keep the peace.  Being ‘kind’ is entirely different.  It’s about love.  It’s “I’m going to tell the truth with as much loving kindness as I can.”   ~ Michelle James

“Be kind to yourself – don’t waver on your truth.”

As soon as those words came out of her mouth, my spirit felt that truth.  By the end of the call, I felt so strongly that I needed to share it with you.  I know you’ve been there.  You may be there right now, where things are swirling.  You’re trying to care for everyone else, but what you really need to is to find your own center.  Maybe you need to stop accommodating for everyone else, and start being intentional about being kind to yourself.

Your style, your desires, your needs and your way of doing things? 

It maybe different from others in your family, your friends, or on your team, but it’s not flawed.  It is good. We need what you bring to the table.  You don’t have to walk around being “syrupy sweet” to everyone to be kind. . . especially to yourself.

If you catch yourself resenting feeling like you have to be so “nice” to everyone, check in with yourself.

Are you accommodating others to avoid conflict?

Or, are you telling the truth with as much loving kindness as you can?

One will leave you miserable.

The other will set you free.  

to more love,


P.S. We’ll be talking about freedom in many different forms this Thursday night at GNO.  So after the fireworks are over on Wednesday, we can reset together, while stamping our words of intention on Freedom Keys.  Come join us.

Leave a Reply

More Blog Posts
to Love ...