It’s the last day of the year, but I’m not giving up on this year yet.
My word for the year in 2019 was “rest”. After building the house and moving our 15 years of “collections”, I came crashing into the end of 2018 exhausted. I was happy and everything was good. But I was so TIRED. I needed rest. I had no idea what rest could possibly look like in the middle of full-steam momentum with HeartStories, but there was no doubt that I needed it.
So I let that word {REST} guide me all year.
I “slept in” when I felt like my body was asking for it. I “stayed in” even when my brain wanted to go be at the party. I made conscious decisions to step back when I would ordinarily be the first one to raise my hand. Instead of constantly being the one to initiate in my relationships, I rested that too. I put my phone down, while there were unread messages dinging and flashing all over the place. I silenced that baby and let it rest. Holiday cards have still not even been ordered. (#busyresting)
It’s the end of the year and I’m grateful for a year of learning to rest in the middle of the crazy.
Am I still tired? Still spent? Yes. Why yes I am. But I am still going! I didn’t quit.
And it’s not over yet.
My word for the year didn’t magically rejuvenate my body into a twenty-something again, full of newfound energy and strength (a girl can hope). But it guided me to make decisions that cared for my mind, body, and my soul.
It sustained me.
Choosing rest instead of the constant go-go-go-no-matter-what of the previous 6 years, made me a better mother. I was more present for the meaningful moments, even if it meant I was more checked out during some of the less important ones. Even when it meant I had to skip some of the things I would normally not have missed to save my life. When conversations were selfish instead of life-giving, I checked out. I may have been present in my body, but I intentionally let my mind rest.
Was I a little more lonely than in years past?
In some ways, yes. I certainly wouldn’t call it my most joyful year. Some friends felt like I backed away from them. My boys didn’t get the same quantity of engagement they have in the past. But I needed rest and it made me stronger. I kept my head down, hands on the plow, and did my work. I listened more, saw more, and learned so much. (And heaven only knew how much I would need it, going into 2020!)
It’s the last day of the year, again, but I’m not giving up on this year yet.
I’m not giving up on gleaning from everything I learned. There are some things I will do again next year and others that I learned don’t work for me. I will sift out what worked and leave the rest in the dust of this year. Just like every year before, I’m heading into the new year a different person than I was the year before. Some will like her and some won’t. And I’m just leaving that right there where it is.
I hope you will do that too.
I hope you’ll take some time over the next few days to reflect on what this past year taught you. Maybe it was your best year ever, maybe it was a gauntlet and you’re thrilled it’s almost over.
Either way, it was valuable.
Don’t waste it by wishing it away. Take a minute to sift. Glean out the good. What did you learn this year?
It’s not over yet.
The learning from this year isn’t over until you say so. Don’t slam the door just yet. If you look hard in the mirror there are things you wouldn’t trade about the person you are today, even with the pain of last year still so fresh in your heart and mind. Even with some things still unresolved. You are stronger. You are wiser. Take what you learned and what you loved and hold them close while you cross the line into a brand new year.
Then, when you’re ready, make a clean break with the rest.
Cheers to you today, the one who persevered. The one who is still standing, even with tears in your eyes. Cheers to the beautiful person you’ll continue to become in the new year ahead!
to more love & JOY,
Crystal
image by: Vanessa Corral Photography
