resentment | HeartStories

How to unlock joy

We planted our backyard garden last week. Of course we don’t really have enough space. We don’t have beds devoted to this so we removed the swings from the swing set, threw down some fabric temporary beds and put up some temporary fencing. I grossly underestimated the amount of soil we’d need so we ended up needing more.

I planned a time for the boys and I to add the soil in the afternoon yesterday.

I put on some music, got all the gloves, put on my boots and called them over. They were engaged for about 10 minutes and then they started wandering off. I noticed that I was getting really bugged by that so, I called them back over several times, only to see them slowly wandering off again.

Didn’t they remember this whole garden thing what their idea?

I could feel myself getting more and more frustrated. Then I realized something. I was in …

The weeds of resentment

This picture was my life about eight years ago. We had these two precious boys 16 months apart, on purpose. I thought I wanted a whole slew of kids, boys in particular, to play and have fun with.

Until I had two.

It’s a story for another day, why it was such a hard year. But suffice it to say, two major family tradgedies (with all the resulting fall-out) and a birth defect that went undetected for 6 months (which meant non-stop crying the entire time), totally rocked my new mama world.

I was so tired and emotional. I remember thinking every day that I couldn’t make it through another day. It’s all a bit of a blur now, but somehow I did.

I survived.

I had amazing friends, but I was too tired to call them. I had a loving family, but they were all dealing with their own hurts and trauma. So I …

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