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You Have What You Need

When I was in nursing school, I was introduced to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.

Basically, the gist is this: everything we “need” for human survival can fit into a pyramid. At the bottom of the pyramid, the largest part, are your most basic needs: food, clothing, water, shelter. And as you move up, there are smaller needs (ie. friendship, companionship, acceptance). Still equally as important as the bottom tiers, but less vital for survival, hence smaller. After all, if you’re starving to death a spa day may seem a little secondary, right?

It donned on me this week, as I was sick and solely concentrating on my body‘s survival, that we live in a society that has the privilege of not worrying a lot about the bottom rung. Thankfully, most of us know where our next meal is coming from.

But the downfall to accessibility and ease is that we get a lot …

by Stephanie Hanrahan Community Girl's Night Out Guest Blogs Inspiration Inspirational Words Love Love In Action Loving Yourself Priorities Purpose Roadblocks in Life The Journey Through Life Leave a comment chat
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Invisible Imperfections

“Your kids don’t look like they have autism.”

I get this comment a lot and I have great empathy for it. We’ve been taught to believe disabilities are visible. Sometimes it’s hard to go past a picture and see a person.

So I always reply with some gentle form of this:

Can you see my depression?
Can you see my husband’s failing heart?
What about the triathlete that has diabetes?
Or the brain surgeon who’s dyslexic?

My children’s autism is just one of their many layers. The problem is, most people think the spectrum looks like what social media and movies have presented it to be, so it’s confusing to see kids who make eye contact, smile, and talk, and still consider them autistic.

But they are. And it shouldn’t matter if they are high functioning or low, it should only matter that they are fully seen and helped to grow.

We all have an invisible disability, something that …

by Stephanie Hanrahan Community Guest Blogs HeartBeats Inspiration Inspirational Words Love Love in Family Loving Others Loving Yourself Motherhood Leave a comment chat
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Don’t Ask a Child ‘What’ They Want to Be, Ask ‘Who’ They Want to Be

child dressed up as a vet holding a stuffed dog and vet kit

A veterinarian. That’s what my wonderful six-year-old wants to be when she grows up.

But here’s my dream for my child as she ages:

I hope she grows up to be a giver and receiver of kindness. That’s it.

I did an interview recently where I was asked what my “family motto” was, and those words instinctively slipped from my lips. Academics, popularity, sports—those things are secondary. I just want my children to navigate this beautiful but often brutal world with a kind heart.

I probably would’ve said something different years ago. Doctors, lawyers, big homes, and bank accounts. But after both of my children were diagnosed with autism, none of that mattered. I quickly began to realize that the most important thing a child can become is an adult who offers radical acceptance.

So that became the new goal: can my children look out for others instead of just themselves?

And, can that favor be …

by Stephanie Hanrahan Community Guest Blogs Inspiration Inspirational Women Inspirational Words Love Love In Action Love in Family Loving Others Loving Yourself Motherhood Leave a comment chat
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My Marriage Wasn’t Made for Quarantine

a woman with her husband as he kisses her on the forehead

I don’t think my marriage was made for quarantine.

Here’s the deal: my husband and I work well as introverted/extroverted partners because I can usually get my social fix elsewhere. While he is completely content solo, I crave socialization. He’s self-assured and shops on the same aisles of the grocery store; I like a smorgasbord of spontaneity.

So during normal, non-distancing times, I go out with my girlfriends and he happily golfs alone.

Everyone’s cup is filled.

Now, due to a national pandemic, I’m having to rely on him to meet a lot of my needs and it’s never been more apparent that we walk at two different paces.

My growing frustration isn’t my husband’s fault. I am well aware of who I married and his countless other strengths. But this time together has proven what I’ve assumed for years: one person cannot possibly complete you.

Often times we marry expecting the following from our partner:

Companionship, …

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The Silver Lining of Slowing Down

two kids and their dad in an inflatable pool in their backyard

Where I grew up, we didn’t have neighborhood pools or county festivals. We had gravel and dirt roads. In fact, it was such a small town we didn’t even have a chain restaurant until my senior year of high school. I’ll never forget the line that wrapped around the building on the eve of their opening, everyone just waiting for a taste of the elusive Appleby’s.

But there are some benefits to a slower space and pace, and one is that it breeds imagination. I’m probably as creative as I am because I spent a lot of time alone, telling my own stories from a wood deck or a fig tree.

I started my life in a small town and somehow ended up in Frisco, the “fastest growing city in America.” Things here are easier, more accessible. We have shopping and dining and events galore. Yesterday, I saw a robot on my …

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Find the Friend Who Will Row Beside You

two girls wearing life vests holding kayak paddles

Big groups of girlfriends have always been tricky for me. I’m a former only child and some of the residual effects of that linger. I’ve always preferred my friendships one-on-one so that I can dive deep with the few rather than stay surface with the many.

But finding the one or two women who understand you to your core is a challenge. It takes effort and intention to sustain a sisterhood. And it also takes someone who is willing to say yes to every part of your messy, beautiful life.

A few years ago, both of my children were diagnosed with autism and something interesting happened: my inner circle closed even tighter. The thing is, it doesn’t take a special mom to raise special needs kids, but it does take incredibly special people to stick it out with you.

So some of my friendships faded away. Some didn’t know what to say, so …

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