We build a lot of Legos around my house. But here’s the deal, if you build things with Legos, and actually play with them, sometimes they end up falling apart. They break into little, tiny pieces and that’s not fun. . . for anyone.
That happened to this baby last night.
He brought home a ship he’d worked so hard to build and in the middle of showing it all to me, he dropped it and pieces went flying. My heart just broke for him. I know how hard that must be and how exhausted he was, just imagining trying to put it all back together.
I empathized, but I resisted my natural tendency to jump in and fix it.
I let him struggle and work it out. After a few minutes of sheer frustration, he came around the corner with a huge smile and a completed ship.
Viola! It worked.
He doesn’t know it, but this mama just so happened to listen to a little lesson from Love and Logic on my drive to get them yesterday. I was reminded by Dr. Charles Fay that, “Shielding them from all of life’s hardships sends the message that they aren’t strong enough to cope with their losses. Loving them through their sadness allows them to win every time they lose.”
It’s true for broken Legos, lost football games, consequences for poor behavior, difficult relationships, lost board games and any other number of small losses my kids experience. If I jump in to fix it, they’ll never learn that they are strong enough to make it on their own. So I’m learning to simply be present with them in the sadness.
And that’s really hard for this “fixer” to do.
Is there an area in your life you’ve been hoping someone would just come in and tell you how to fix your situation? Are you wondering why they’re just sitting there with you in the struggle, when they could easily fix it for you?
It’s worth considering that they love you too much to fix it for you.
They’re likely loving you more than you can imagine, by allowing you to learn that you’re strong enough to figure this out on your own.
You are you know.
to more love,