One is silver, the other’s gold

old-lady-friends-loneliness-crystal-gornto-heartstories

They say old friends make the best friends.  Somehow I don’t think this is what they meant . . . or maybe it was, exactly.

Either way, I still think they’re right.  

My friend Shasta is an expert on women’s friendships.  She could wow your socks right off with her knowledge, research and experience with women and our friendships.  She knows us so well.  Shasta is convinced, (and I am too) that the two things that grow friendships are consistency and vulnerability.  So basically, what she’s clearly saying is, in order to be looking hot and taking selfies at Girl’s Nights when we’re 80, we need to be showing up consistently and vulnerably between now and then.

To have old friends, be the best friends, you have to do the work. 

It does sometimes feel like work, doesn’t it?  At least until we get face to face, and then it usually feels a lot more like joy.  The scheduling, planning and showing up takes so much effort in our crazy, busy lives, it’s easy to just write it off and let it go.

But I can speak from experience, friendships fade without consistency.  

Yes, of course you pick up where you left off.  Your love for one another doesn’t change one single bit.  But your connectedness does.  Sure, you have a ton of friends in the neighborhood, at work and at the kid’s school, but those friendships aren’t the committed kind.  The one’s who’ve stood the test of time.  Those are the few you must nurture with consistency and vulnerability while you grow new friends.

It’s easy to confuse the two. 

Most of our loneliness isn’t from not knowing enough people, but not feeling close enough to a few.  ~ Shasta Nelson

As I prepare for our Girl’s Night Out tonight, this is what’s on my heart.  Even if you can’t join us, I want this for you. Be intentional today about reaching out, to really connect, with a close friend you have history with.

Remind her that you’re going to keep showing up, just by checking in.  

Then, take 10 seconds. . .  yes, right now. . . to think of a newer friend you feel drawn to.  Yes.  Her.  The one who just came to your mind.  Text her, tell her you’re enjoying getting to know her and get a date on the calendar so to get eyeball to eyeball.  And have a little fun!

Doing those two things will set your new year in a more joyful direction. 

Nurture the old, plant seeds with the new.

One is silver and the other’s gold.  

to more love,

Crystal

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